An Open Letter to Hashem Yisborach before Purim 5771
Dear Hashem
Thank you so much for all the good that is in my life and for sustaining my family and myself to reach Purim and IYH the time of our redemption.
The backdrop to this year’s Purim is unrest in the Middle East, a bubbling nuclear reactor in Japan following apocalyptic natural disasters of earthquake and tsunami, and a horrific murder of the Fogels and three innocent children. So quick, one after the other, all within the two months of Adar Aleph and Adar Sheini. It seems as though the suffering is coming stronger and closer together, and hopefully that means that soon we will be in transition, transition to a redeemed world.
It is for this reason that I am writing openly to you. So many people that I know who were kind 20 years ago have become tough and almost bully-like if not bullies in full in order to survive in business and social settings. At this time, when I am striving to draw closer to you, to be forgiving, overlooking, patient, awaiting harm to go away by itself, what is coming into focus is that I am being viewed as lacking in social skills or somehow deficient because I am not properly learning to dominate the world.
Many years ago when my children were small, I began learning about hashgacha pratis and about Hashem Yisborach’s middos, kindness, malchus, patience, forbearance and more. I have been doing my best to convert my nature into Your will. I am very grateful that I work on myself in this way. It brings me tremendous pleasure and a sense of self-esteem beyond anything imaginable, a pleasure from another world. It is because of the pleasure that You have allowed me to glimpse that I have the strength to see that more immediate pleasures that people seek, such as honor, victory and being right, revenge and more, although nearer, are ephemeral, people-dependent and ultimately not as satisfying. These pleasures surely have no extension into the next world. Could be that they are counted as aveiras, or as lost opportunities to have connected. It is my fervent desire that every present moment I have the energy to do ratzon Hashem, either in mitzvahs or in bringing in Your attributes for Your sake. I totally trust that being connected to You, Who is Perfect is what is best for my existence here and in the next world.
Thank you for sending me a teacher and a few friends who share these goals! Because of the way You made us, my mind needs a tripod of objectivity to work through ideas and make sure that my inner thought is connecting properly to Your Will.
Let me give an example. Sometimes I wake up with anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. These would keep me up, my mind spinning on different negative subjects, for almost two hours until I could let go and fall back asleep. Now, because You have graced my life with the knowledge of the pleasure of knowing Ein Od Milvado, there is only Hashem and everything You do is good for our ultimate growth and development, I have a choice! No longer do I spend time pursuing the negative thinking. How did You teach me to stop this? The anxiety comes from a thought, that triggers an emotion of fear or displeasure about what is happening to ME! That is natural. Aren’t we supposed to, as adults, do due diligence? Yet look what happens. Inevitably if I trace the emotion back to its source, there is a negative thought or judgment about another person, maybe a Jewish person chas v’chalilah! This is a deviation from Your Will. You specifically tell us clearly that we are not to hate each other, bear a grudge, take revenge but rather we are to search our minds to give the benefit of the doubt, overlook, be patient and fortive, treat with kindess and more. In order to do Your Will, I must expend energy to realize the opportunity being given to me! In this moment of realizing the genesis of my anxiety, that is keeping me up, I can, instead of trying to effect the external circumstance, use my energy to improve myself by bringing Hashem’s will into the world. I, by doing this, build my self-esteem, for at that moment of darkness and pain and negativity, instead of following the illusion created and heading into anxiety and a clear aveira of thinking ill of anyone of Your people, I can choose to do what You intended in the first place – help me be more like You! And when I do, I experience relief and go back to sleep quite easily, short-circuiting all the despair that I otherwise might have put myself through.
The realization that much of our suffering is optional is HUGE. I suffer from my thoughts and interpretations of the circumstances more than the circumstances themselves.
To those reading this, please think about it. Two people can go through the same thing but they may not have the same reactions to it. We have control over what we think, what we say, and what we do as a result. I am one thought away from a different emotional experience. Bringing this back to the world today and to Purim, all those who were kind 20 years ago and to survive adopted tactics of dominating and possible bullying – please take a moment and reconsider what is at stake.
We are approaching Pesach, the time when miraculously we were redeemed from Egypt. Only 20% of the Jews actually left Egypt. I am writing this because I want 100% of us to be redeemed THIS YEAR, please may it be Your Will. To be redeemed, we must know with complete certainty (without cynicism that prods us to take matters into our own hands to dominate) that our thoughts, speech and deed, in the minutest details, are doing Ratzon Hashem and not our own agenda. It may seem like we are giving up everything, but that is the opposite of what is true. Hashem You are the reality, we are the vessels.
May all those reading this open letter comprehend that You are bringing us toward the time of our redemption and that the darkness and the intensity and frequency of the darkness in the world is Your way of waking us up to Your reality, so that we can gain perspective on ourselves and on our use of our energy and learn quickly to conform our thoughts, speech and deed to Your middos and mitzvahs with a full heart.
Dear Hashem, while we have free will, please help those reading this who may need to change their negativity from suffering or domination to opportunity to connect with You – allow all those who try to have success and let them see the veil pull back, let them feel Your Shechina such that they will be able to strengthen themselves in this process. Please save us now as you did on Purim and bring us speedily to the time of Redemption!
Categories: Chosen People, Hatred, Good vs Evil, God Consciousness, Ahavas Yisrael
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