If we are not knocked over by our nervousness and anxieties, following them into despair or poor conduct, the strength with which we experience them CAN be unified to serve Hashem instead.
The more nervousness and anxiety get unwound, the clearer it becomes how events in our childhood, our early childhood, determine our sense of safety, our core identity, and lay the foundation for our ability to trust Hashem and others. When parents are responsive and giving based on their own core identity being secure and wise and rooted in the chochma of Torah, it is truly a special gift for their children.
But if we were not given this gift at an early age, and we ARE nervous and anxious, it is also a gift, a different gift, but a gift as well. The gift of nervousness and anxiety are that when we repair them by moving our intellect to tzelem elokim, we are truly free to form ourselves and we have no desire at all to revisit old broken patterns. We can literally raise ourselves and develop the persona that reflects tzelem elokim and express it uniquely through thought speech and deed that we design.
While we are unraveling, it is a ball of strings and rubberbands that are tightly knotted, that spring back and snap on our hands. Yet the more we struggle with it, sooner or later what comes into focus is that we are feeling intimidated by something very old in our lives that grips our attention and spins our wheels distracting us from the ever present reality of the abundance that Hashem is sending in love, in kindness and in all the things we are grateful for and take for granted. The whole purpose of our existence is to free our intellect from getting its foot stuck in the door when these intimidating emotions surround our mind.
It is crucial that an alternative to this natural mental space be perceived. We all have had at least one moment of insight and clarity, perhaps when some danger is avoided, perhaps in a great davening, perhaps in a moment of seeing hashgachah pratis. It is this moment of insight or clarity that we can fan and expand to increase our consciousness that Hashem is real, that He exists and that we are made b’tzelem elokim.
If we suspend time and space for a moment and walk through the opening of that moment of clarity, we might see ourselves as one with Hashem, with all of creation, and comprehend that everything that we identify as our intelligence, our health, our lives is experienced only because His Divine will is uttering it into existence and it is taking form within this body and have the experience of free will to direct that tremendous droplet of tzelem elokim and the illusion that free will gives us that we have autonomous separate existence. HA!!
There is tremendous peace in comprehending that Hashem is blowing the universe and every single atom into existence at this very moment and that the material body that is I is catching the soul Hashem designed in order for the soul to prevail through free willed choice in providing Hashem with a place of residence in time and space. As I pull back the coverings of taiva and gaiva, even for this one moment, and sense that there is an option to reveal tzelem elokim and THAT is Hashem’s purpose in creating me and doing so is my unique mission, my relationship with nervousness and anxiety changes forever.
I am no longer a person who is nervous and anxious. I am a soul who can bring the strength of that nervousness and anxiety through the channel of my mind and heart and bring it to the side of serving Hashem effecting a personal repair as well as a merit for klal yisrael.
Dancing with the intimidating nervous and anxious part of us is something we can slowly come to see that we can drop like a hot potato. Once we see it is void of worth, because we understand our true worth as tzelem elokim, then our intellect is free from dancing with the past and with the trauma that was poured into our minds when our brains were wet concrete. Yes these fossils remain, but our intellect does not have to serve them. Once the intellect is aware of the glory of Hashem and that we are made b’tzelem elokim for the purpose of revealing Hashem in this world, the choice is ours to turn over and over again to expressing mercy.
Hashem utters the world into existence and the components of those utterances which are letters contain sefiros. Keter the crown, chochma, wisdom, and bina knowledge form the aspects of intelligence in the world while chesed kindness, gevurah strength and tiferes compassion form the aspects of emotion in the world. Netzach eternity, hod humility and yesod foundation or bonding form the actual habitual impuleses in time and space. Malchus is the actual expression in thought speech and deed in time and space.
Tomer Devorah teaches us how to emulate these attributes. When we emulate these attributes, we literally “feed” the universe, creating a positive influence that Hashem may use in His utterances back into the world. This is why turning at all times to middos harachamim, which is the level of keter, the tip of the yud in Hashem’s Name, is the highest avoda we can choose to apply our energy to.
Our natural world is under the dominion of the yetzer hara, which if we are unaware of this concept we experience as “me.” It may not make logical sense how if someone is trying to annihilate or destroy me, that my inner work to direct all my strength to Hashem and ask Him to help me reveal His attributes of mercy will make a drop of help in what I am facing. The answer is that everything in front of our senses is designed ONLY for that purpose, to see how we will choose. And if we are building ourselves to withstand the “hit” and absorb its strength from the side of the kelipas to the side of serving Hashem. Every one who has a soul and intelligence and free will can potentially make the effort. It is learning that motivates us to make the effort. Sometimes it is painful life circumstance that leave us no choice.
The key is to comprehend how immense Hashem is and how He is Omipotent and Omniscient. He is totally in control of what is happening and by my desiring to reveal rachamim sincerely because I love Hashem and wish to serve Him by being His vessel, He can bring success. If there is no success, then this is also for the good.
Once again the way we emulate the middos of Hashem are as follows:
Keser chochma bina
Tolerate insults – Know there is Hashem
Overlook faults, - No other Power
Hashem is One
Chesed gevurah tiferes netzach hod yesod
bear the burden of the confusion of mind that happened because we ingested from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thereby concretizing physicality and causing the intellect to serve physicality over the true spiritual reality of Hashem is One
Ask Hashem to help us summon Torah wisdom (chochma) that will help us to expand chesed and netzach in the areas we need to overcome fear of abandonment and to summon knowledge (bina) to help us use gevurah (discipline) and hod (humility) to stop thought speech and deed we need to overcome fear of annihilation and instead to bring those same powers to serve Hashem is One
Forgive and ask forgiveness for ever thinking there is any glory other than Hashem and bond the expanding and stopping together with yesod (foundation) in order to cast all our sins into the sea – acknowledging ein od milvado and our role to use free will to emulate Hashem’s middos harachamim and thereby nourish the worlds with our free willed choice to reveal that.
Have Awe of Hashem
Do acts in time and space with intention and understanding
Nullify negative thinking by not following after the eyes (desire, taiva) and heart (willfulness, arrogance, gaiva)
Anchoring our intellect to the reality that all there is in the world is the Glory of Hashem translates to submitting at all times to that reality. What that feels like is more and more that what our life force and circumstances are exist as utterances from Hashem’s sefirot. In essence Hashem is blowing everything into existence, including what we experience in our inner world.
Part of our inner world is the natural occurrences that formed in childhood to set our free will point. Encased in fears of abandonment and annihilation are experiences that we define as part of our autonomous separate existence. These feel like the real me but they are nothing more than raw materials upon which the soul that Hashem has given us can heal.
The soul made betzelem elokim also has zechus avos, the emunah of Avraham and Yitzchok and the compassion of Yaakov. The emunah of Avraham and Yitzchok is a combination of the attributes of Hashem that they exemplify, love of Hashem and awe of Hashem. These amazing attributes are our spiritual heritage and we access them because we are part of Nishmas Am Yisrael.
When our natural autonomous separate existence is experiencing a negative emotion, we turn our eyes to attach intellect to the reality that all glory is Hashem. This becomes our tow truck. We now open the love of Hashem to click into the fear of abandonment and awe of Hashem to click into fear of annihilation. These channels now bring the fabric sustaining these fears from the false negative experience to unify with Hashem’s name. We literally lance the fabric sustaining the deception and harness it back into sanctifying Hashem’s name by
bearing the burden of the confusion of mind that happened when we ingested from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thereby concretizing physicality in a way that our intellect automatically serves nature over the Glory of Hashem and
we ask forgiveness for ever thinking that there is in the world anything other than the Glory of Hashem, and
we further ask that our awe that Hashem has created a human mind and a world whereby we are given free will to see past these natural realities to allow our soul to positively remove the fabric of fear of abandonment and fear of annihilation and flow the radioactive content upwards to instead form warmth and light and protection for Klal Yisrael and
as we forgive and release the Shechina trapped in the natural place that set our behira, we ask that Hashem please cast all our sins into the sea.
The fabric of our existence is strengthened by the fabric brought from the side of the kelipas to the side of holiness and we are capable of revealing Hashem’s attributes in a more profound way. Each time we do, we create positive influence whereby Hashem when He utters the world into existence can choose to reveal His Mercy based on that influence.
May we comprehend that our mercy becomes expressed by Hashem in His Utterances and may we soon see the ultimate mercy, Moshiach and redemption.
All those things that happened that upset us as children, all those immature part of us that never fully matured, have a purpose!
We don’t know how, but when we are able to release these emotions with the emunah that doing so will unify the natural reaction and fold it back into maintaining the world with positive influence, then the fabric of who we are is mended and we stand closer and more in resemblance with b’tzelem elokim .
The more of our existence we see as a result of Hashem flowing through us a breath of Himself, the less important the circumstances and the more important our free willed choice to unify with Hashem becomes. When we fully respect the reality that we are animated by Hashem for the purpose of choosing His Will over our natural will, we begin to see the amazing benefit of that choice and we do not turn back.
To become focused on the rational part of life in time and space and declare those practical realities to be the predominant influence to which we must submit, such as money, intimacy, and food, prevents our intellect from attaching fully to the absolute reality that there is nothing in this world but the Glory of Hashem. In fact the charges that we naturally feel, designed to restore to us a sense of value in the rational way of thinking, become elixirs that bind us within fear and arrogance, building layer upon layer of covering over the true identity that we have, btzelem elokim here to create positive influence in partnership with Hashem.
Every aspect of our identity is uttered by Hashem and blown through us to see how we will utilize our free will, to respond out of love and awe of Hashem and reveal His lovingkindness or not. We have the wisdom, the free will, and the learning to comprehend the role of Nishmas Am Yisrael as the ship Hashem desires to sail through time and space. We are how He can be in a limited world.
Anyone readiing this who is at all inclined towards this
view, please be inspired to begin a daily dialogue with Hashem called verbal
introspection. Opening ourselves in His
Presence is like a chiropractic alignment for our identity. When we speak out loud to Hashem, we are
acknowledging Him and that immediately places us in a lower, submissive
subservient posture which opens the possibility that there is something in the
world other than my will, what I want, my goals – regardless of how altruistic
and respectable these may be – the identity that we have as autonomous independent
beings can be an illusion that locks us
into unreality rather than a vehicle to utilize our uniqueness to sail
with His Will. We are ships that can sail
with Hashem’s Torah and reveal His attributes and bring from the depths of our
nature through the vehicle of free willed choice elements of nature that He
wants us to unify with Him so that He can fold that positive influence into the
manner in which He is uttering the world into existence. The utterances are His sefiros. When we emulate His attributes of mercy, we
strengthen that influence.
May Mercy be in the utterances of Hashem that we be deemed redeemable b’avaha today!!!!!
In every moment, where is our intellect? Is it clinging to the reality and truth that all glory is Hashem’s? Obviously we falter from that ideal. That is the nature of being in time and space, and that is Hashem’s design for us, in a physical body with a limited mind that believes its natural surroundings and self-interest as the entire playing field. It is for this reason that we develop awe of Hashem, for it is only an immense omniscient omnipresent and all Powerful Gd Who is our Creator Who could possibly be orchestrating the circumstantial and vital reality of absolutely ever atom in the universe. This awe of Hashem is the cure for every fear other than fear of Hashem. Every fear we have is fear fallen from the complete understanding that all glory in the world is Hashem and that there is absolutely nothing in this world other than His Glory.
The word hod means praise, glory and it also can mean humility. The more we grasp how Hashem’s glory fills the world and hold Hashem in awe, the more understanding we have of this concept, the more humility we have because we recognize and acknowledge more and more of our understanding not to ourselves but to Hashem. It is Hashem’s amazing goodness that gives us our intelligence, our health, our money, our children, our lives and the ability to choose or not to fear Hashem.
Because our souls have been placed in a limited body that gives us life and the ability to be in this world in time and space, the natural reactions of the body trigger reactions that come through our perceptions. What is important to realize is that as the stimulation comes in, so too our soul can impact the matter in a way that heals, uplifts and unifies Hashem’s Name, bringing from the world of nature to the world of holiness a strength that could only become unified through the use of free willed choice to sacrifice apparent self-interested conduct in order to instead sanctify His Name.
We are not grasshoppers! We have souls made b’tzelem elokim that can reach into the deserts of our nature and stabilize the radioactive emotions rattling from all the red alerts we experience and form them into warmth, light, protection and bracha. When we attach our intellect to the absolute truth that the Source of all vitality is Hashem, that eases the radioactive angers, fears, and gaivas that attract us to say and do things that are destructive and instead we burn out a lower way of existing for a higher understanding of our role as Nishmas Am Yisrael.
Our thought and speech touch each other. We think and we speak. It is fairly direct. In most cases our words reflect our thoughts. But our actions are not always so much of a reflection of our thought. Our thoughts can be very mixed and not all represented in our actions. Our actions can conceal quite a bit and no one except Hashem understands to the deepest degree what our intention is. The success or failure of our effort is in Hashem’s hands. Despite our intentions for either good or bad, our thoughts and the effort we put forth do not guarantee success in anything. It is only because Hashem adds His strength to what we do that anything occurs in time and space. The urgency of understanding this concept is that we must take ownership of our thoughts because whether we realize it or not, we are creating influence that Hashem knows and uses in the occurrences of world events, our life’s events, and the maintenance of nature. We have an influence even if we never act on a thought or emotion. A part of us, when charged, creates an influence, an electromagnetic type influence perhaps, that Hashem can add or not to the mix of what happens in this world.
We are not grasshoppers!
It is therefore incumbent upon us to consider where is our intellect based – when we attach our intellect to absolute truth that there is nothing but Hashem’s glory and that we have a soul made in His image that contains emunah established by Avraham Aveinu and Yitzchok Aveinu at the akeida, we then have an emunah of loving Hashem and awe of Hashem. We can positively affect and heal our unrectified emotions and characteristics by turning to the part of us that is eternal, our tzelem elokim, and arousing love and awe of Hashem to assuage our unrectified reactions. The barrier to doing so is our natural belief in self-intrerest and the manner in which our mind is created to see time and space as reality in itself. This limiting aspect of our nature must become something that after all of human history we tire of. Torah teaches us that we are not bound to these limiting aspects.
We are not grasshoppers! Torah helps us develop ourselves to see that we are rooted in tzelem elokim and here to reveal Hashem’s will and characteristics. It is incumbent upon us to begin learning, praying, and introspecting in order to discover the many rooms, corridors, and chambers of our inner world, to own our free choice and to choose our identity.
May we come to choose our identity to be Nishmas Am Yisrael, the people who are chosen to reveal Hashem’s Glory in this world.
The image of Hashem blowing a neshama into a pile of earth, of nature, in order to create Adom triggers the idea of wind in general. Hashem has blown into existence through His speech the entire universe, every atom is the result of His utterances that are rooted in His sefiros. Everything we see and everything we are is blown through His Words.
Literally our material reality is like a sail designed to capture and move with His Utterances. When it comes to Klal Yisrael, however, Hashem has given us a positive inclination and He has given us unrectified material and free will to choose to weave the strength of the unrectified inclination into rectified material. When we do and then solidify it through will, thought, emotion, speech and deed, then both our inclinations are able to unify and reveal His Image and we are able to capture His Utterances and reveal His Glory in our thought speech and deed.
Imagine a boat with a sail that has a pattern of tears in it. These represent our unrectified characteristics. As we choose to emulate Hashem in lieu of expressing our unrectified selves, we bring that inclination that was controlled by ra and with our choice to solidify it with our thoughts speech and deeds, we bond into the sail a wholeness that can only come from our free willed choice to create a whole sail out of the raw materials that Hashem sends us.
The world of yetzira is a world of two inclinations and we have free choice to unify them into the fabric of our lives. When we do so, we create for ourselves an existence where we capture and sail in this world of time and space as His Emissaries.
May we educate ourselves regarding the importance of love and awe of Hashem so that we can approach the work of doing the repairs upon ourselves that otherwise lead us to doing what is right for ego victories that help not. For redemption comes when we unify together as a people realizing that His Name is shelamos and we together are His People to reveal His Love as the moon reflects the sun. We need total emunah and understanding of where we switch out of service in every moment. This is a moment by moment avoda and success in one moment does not guarantee success in the next, but effort in one moment leads to deeper effort in the next as we begin to see how Hashem helps us as we exert ourselves in this effort.
It is a worthwhile endeavor.
May these words inspire towards learning that will help deepen the use of the toolbox below:
May my intellect hook onto all glory is Hashem Who is the Source of all vitality and Joy
May my heart be stimulated to love Hashem for all the good and to experience awe of Hashem for creating us with free will (such that our intellect falls into service of self-interest despite the true reality that all glory is Hashem Who is the source of all vitality and Joy.)
Please help me bring a flow of Your kindness through love and awe of Hashem into speech and deed (because I wish to unify Your Name and bring Your kindness to impact the inclination from the kelipas and build that inclination also into Your service instead of serving self-interest), I beseech You to help me extend the inclination that naturally draws toward self-interest towards revealing Your lovingkindness in the world:
1. Tolerating insults
2. Overlooking faults
3. Bearing the burden of the confusion of mind that occurred because we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thereby concretizing physicality to the degree that the intellect automatically serves it over the true spiritual reality that Hashem is the Source of all vitality
4. Forgive us for making the error of thinking that there is any glory other than You
5. Release us from the fallen awe of Hashem that gives us fear of abandonment (desires, taiva) and fear of annihilation (anger, arrogance, gaiva) and help us elevate these fallen fears to awe of Hashem for the manner that He creates our mind so that we have free will and the ability to earn reward simply for choosing truth over falsehood
6. Please cast us not into a net of sins but rather cast all our sins into the sea and help me forgive every hurt by myself doing teshuva on the area of my nature that contributes in the same way, and may this teshuva heal and rectify unrectified characteristics and be a kapara for our common shared nature and a merit for klal yisrael that Hashem deem us redeemable b’ahava.
Imagine if I have an apartment on the 10th floor of a building and I need to bring groceries up. There is an elevator. I stand in the lobby for 20 minutes wondering what the matter is. Someone comes along and pushes the button and the elevator door opens immediately. Everything was in place. I just had not pushed the button.
We have light that comes through our neshama designed to heal us, meaning that we have the energy potential to rectify our unrectified characteristics. Our neshama can interact with our experiences and bring our hurts and pains and ego injuries to a new level. The problem is, we don’t comprehend that being made b’tzelem elokim empowers us to “push the button” to activate spiritual healing. The button that we need to activate within us is love and awe of Hashem. To see our neshama’s ability to be pro-active in bringing love and awe of Hashem in order to rectify ourselves is not a natural thing. Rather, it requires Torah learning, emunah, and an orientation to serve Hashem.
What is love and awe of Hashem? Perhaps by seeing equivalents and versions of them from the kelipas, we can comprehend how immense this energy is and why it has so much ability to heal us and what it is inside of us that we are given as a gift if we can only access it.
Awe of Hashem
Know there is Gd
There is No Other Power
Taiva (follow after eyes)
Gaiva (follow after heart)
Source of all Vitality
Passion for Torah and Serving Hashem
Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad
Baruch Sheim Kavod Malchuso Leolam Voed
I am the Lord Gd Who took you out of Egypt to be Your Gd
Have No Other Gds, Do Not Worship Idols
The neshama is hewn from Nishmas Am Yisrael, which is made in Hashem’s Image for the purpose of revealing Hashem’s characteristics of lovingkindness, revealing His Glory, His Torah into this world thereby giving Hashem a way to exist in time and space whilst maintaining the existence of this wonderous world. Built into the awareness and intellect of our neshama is love and fear of Hashem. At the Akeida, Avraham’s chesed and Yitzchok’s gevurah bonded together to create an emunah that is our spiritual inheritance, built into the soul of the Jewish people. Only in relation to Hashem can we experience simultaneously both love and fear.
When our egos feel disconnected from Hashem, it is a sign that part of our soul is trapped in a sense of self that then stimulates our imagination capturing our creative capabilities and diverting them for goals that are not necessarily l’shaim shemayim, that do not sanctify His Name but rather are designed to achieve what we believe falsely to be pleasures.
It is incumbent upon us to separate our intellect from these egotistical trappings enough to know that our esteem is based on our constant connection to Hashem and our effort to reveal His characteristics. Healthy esteem is based on the intellect attaching to our effort to reveal Hashem’s characteristics, to reveal b’tzelem elokim. Then we may begin to have a perspective of what we can do to rectify the ego and bring it into service of Hashem, so that we may be what Hashem had intended, a delivery system within time and space to reveal His Will and characteristics.
For example, if someone has feelings of rejection, hatred, fear, anger and the like, here is how this might be processed:
Hashem in this moment something broken in the subconscious mind is generating emotion as if there is something other than You and Your Goodness and that intellectually I know this is not true. In order to have 100 percent control over esteem, I choose to base esteem on the intellect choosing to reveal Your characteristics, even though in this moment I am not sure how that will help, if at all, with the stimulating event. Please in this moment, help me to shift back to remembering that all there is in the world is You, and everything You do is good, for this will bring me back into reality and absolute truth. You are desirous of our returning to You in every moment in order that we do Your Will. I choose to be a vessel desiring to bring Your Will into time and space.
With my free willed choice, I choose to proactively bring love and awe of Hashem to this matter. The awe that I feel is magnified and tangible to me as I realize that You create us with intellect to be able to discern how our limited human mind naturally overlooks Your constant reality and goodness. You give us this discernment in order to be able to give us reward for returning to awareness of Your constant love and presence.
The soul that You give me is equipped to heal this part of me and I choose to identify in this moment with feeling empowered to affect time and space by drawing the love and awe in my neshama into conscious interaction with the set of emotions or the common pattern that I am experiencing. I wish to unify Your name. I wish to bring Your attributes into the desert cut off by this brokenness which is causing emotional pain and destruction and I desire and choose to bring the trapped part of my soul and the Shechina in galus with it into connection with You, unifying Your Name. Baruch Sheim Kavod Malchuso Leolam Voed
Please help me as I consider how to utilize chesed and netzach to expand into speech and deed that which reveals Your attributes and help me utilize gevurah and hod to contract what I need to that is blocking me from revealing Your attributes.
It is a divine promise that when we turn to Your thirteen attributes then you will hear us and help! Without having to understand the inner workings of how, I am choosing in this moment to emulate You:
bearing the burden of the confusion of mind that happened when we ingested from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil which concretized physicality in a way that causes our intellect to attach to physicality as reality rather than to Hashem’s constant presence as our natural reality,
I forgive others who may have been Your emissaries to trigger this emotional response and ask forgiveness for ever thinking there is or could be any glory in the world other than You,
please see the stone or iron bars over my neshama that lower fears of abandonment and annihilation distract me from awareness and consciousness of your constant presence, and
please help me lift my fears back only to awe of Hashem, the only healthy fear and please cast all my sins into the sea.
Please as I adopt Your garments and characteristics, may the love and fear of You that is stimulated flow through my heart and provide a healing to whatever in my subconscious is trapping my neshama into believing and pursuing falsehood that is generating emotional pain. Because my emunah is strong and I understand that the greatest pleasure in the world is to be a vessel to reflect Hashem into this world, please may my free willed choice to activate and expand love and endurance to reveal Your characteristics and to activate and contract all that keeps me from revealing Your characteristics bring me to a higher level of existence that stabilizes “radioactive” emotions such as fear, anger, hatred, and more by bringing the strength behind it to warmth and light and protection for Nishmas Am Yisrael.
Please may I draw through my heart and into my actions Your Will in order that I be a worthy vessel to reflect into the world Your Glory, may it be known in the world.
Tomer devorah teaches us how to emulate Hashem by conducting ourselves to reveal His attributes, the sefirot, that come from His Kingship, Malchus..
It is Hashem’s will to have a place in this world. When we reveal His malchus in our actions by emulating Him, He is revealed through us in this world and we fulfill His Will in creating us.
When we make Hashem’s will our will, that means we wish to unify our will to His. Because we have been given life in a body, our instinctive will is not naturally His Will. In order to unify our will to His Will, we need Torah wisdom, emunah, an understanding of free will, and insight into our nature and the manner in which Hashem has created us and the world and for what purpose – that purpose being to create an influence with which He then maintains the world.
When we are experiencing a natural reaction that is self-interested, we have the opportunity to unify our will to His, and doing so releases the energy trapped in the illusion of self-interested behavior so that it may unify with Hashem’s Name through our free willed choice. When we direct that energy with the intention of unifying Hashem’s name in order to sanctify His Name, we create positive influence. Hashem then gives us latitude to do something that sanctifies Hashem’s Name with that energy, such as giving a bracha or creating a merit for someone. We see this with the giving of charity in someone’s honor or memory or for a specific refuah or goal.
The natural reality of not relating to wanting to emulate Hashem is nothing more than proof of how a sense of autonomous independent existence blinds us to ein od milvado consciousness. When we become even just a little educated in this matter, enough so that we identify our esteem based on our intellect’s choice to lovingly serve Hashem, we build a place within us of intellect serving Hashem that can grow to be the place from where we establish our sense of esteem. Our sense of esteem can be based 100% on our free willed choice to put forth effort to reveal Hashem’s malchus, His attributes of mercy from keser. When we catch ourselves in a negative emotion or drawn to a negative thought, and we recognize that the source of it comes ultimately from Hashem for the purpose of our choosing to re-direct that energy for Torah, for lovingkindness and for improving our characteristics to His characteristics, we build a spiritual core deeper inside of us from which we observe our more immediate natural reactions and we acquire a sense of humor about the language and subterfuge of the lower self which pushes back thinking that it is being asked to do something that is unpleasant or not in its own best interest. What strengthens this deeper inner core understanding of ourselves is the feedback of calmness and the relief from being tossed about in negativity which we receive because we are touching His attributes as we reveal them, and this is a tremendous pleasure.
Nishmas Am Yisrael is created as the process through which Hashem’s characteristics can become visible in time and space. We are built to experience pleasure when we comprehend fully that our role is to reveal Hashem’s glory, that all there is in the world is the glory of Hashem. The process is one of safely yet completely metabolizing the apparent but false sense of autonomous separate existence into a rectified condition of being the moon, the reflection of Hashem’s characteristics into this world.
The lack of literacy about this does not change its truth and it is incumbent upon all of us to consider turning toward Hashem in order to unify His Name by unifying our will with His Will to be in this world and emulate His Characteristics. When we use free will to concretize the strength of our natural urges into a bridge span that virtually doubles the pathway adding a pathway of rectified strength taken from our unrefined urges through to our hearts and into our thoughts speech and deeds, Hashem eventually gives us the insights we need to break our particular nature and create positive influence.
The greatest pleasure we can experience is the joy of being a vessel revealing Your characteristics. Thus when we feel distant from You, when we are taken our of the world by jealousy, desire or striving for honor, it is incumbent upon us to immediately cry out for help in unifying Your Name, that the strength of what is blocking us be instead infused with love of Hashem and awe that He makes a world where there appears to be two so that we can ride that urge upwards and receive pleasure from once again being united with His Will and sanctifying His Name.
The challenge is to tease apart our intellect from identifying and serving what is naturally known to us as ourself, the body, the ego, the circumstances of our lives. Intellect is part of the higher soul and has the ability to make discernments regarding whether or not we are making effort to emulate Hashem’s attributes according to His Will and design of this world. When the intellect is serving our ego and lower urges, it often falls victim to the iron or stone coatings of fear of abandonment or fear of annihilation which encase us in the desires or arrogance inherent with autonomous independent existence. How we metabolize all of this to release positive influence is the work we are here to do in every moment of life. It is our moment to moment inbox, what does Hashem require of me in this moment, that my intellect serve Him and that my deeds give Him nachas and unify and sanctify His name?
Here is an example:
Shira reacts to something Elana says with a feeling of uncertainty regarding Elana’s friendship. Shira’s insecurity is a common experience for her and she recognizes that as such. Shira understands that in that moment, Shira has been taken out of closeness with Hashem because of a longing for honor and respect from Elana that Shira perceives as missing, regardless of whether it is true or not in fact. Shira decides to restore her sense of closeness to Hashem and takes the following steps:
When we are very little our makeup from earth wind water and fire dominate our emotions. The natural expression of these elements cause us to experience the gamut of sadness, anger, fear, desires, flightiness, arrogance and more. We experience lack and we cry. Someone hurts and we lash out. The instinctive and natural responses are built into being in a physical body. We then think up how to act in order to “correct” the matter based on what happened, without considering anything but natural self-interest. We have parents to help us make choices based on a set of values that ultimately will help us to grow closer to revealing Hashem’s characteristics.
The manner in which parents do this can make all the difference. The task is to show the child the natural reaction, the reality that there is a choice, and what the preferred choice is in a way that empowers the child rather than causing the child to develop a sense of shame or low self esteem because of having the natural reaction. Ultimately the degree we empower the child through respect gives the child the inner strength to let go of the emotions.
Every person has an ego that has a craving to feel good and right and lovable. When something upsets us, we quickly wish to restore our sense of feeling beloved. If our natural reactions are construed as negative by our parents, we might internalize unintended damage caused by shame (healthy guilt is the use of the intellect to determine if what we are saying or doing is consistent with Hashem’s Will and Attributes.) Given the difficulties in parenting due to everyone being human, it is almost inevitable that we experience a sense of shame that is unhealthy.
Shame, when it binds the identity into thinking we are malformed and bad because we have natural occurring emotions is a devastating subconscious reality. When we grow to be adults and continue to carry this shame, it affects us in a hidden way. If we look to do so, we can have some success in re-directing emotion trapped in shame towards healthier expression.
A fundamental tool to extricate from such a subsconscious reality is to comprehend our identity as our choice to bring from the side of negative charge to the side of serving Hashem that same trapped energy. Understand deeply that our soul is capable of infusing the trapped energy with love and awe of Hashem and is designed to heal, uplift and redirect for the unification and sanctification of Hashem’s Name whatever is trapped in false concepts and images. We need emunah and ein od milvado consciousness that all there is in the world is Hashem in order to begin.
Until we have the emunah and sense of ein od milvado consciousness, our willingness to look at the areas that trap us remain submerged, for the radioactive fire, the anger and fear, are so destructive that we cant even see that what we think is good and right is really just a self-preserving reaction. With emunah and a sense of ein od milvado consciousness, we can approach the shame that locks us into low self-esteem, which because it gives credence to autonomous separate identity is actually in the category of gaiva (gaiva being the belief that there is something other than Hashem in this world.). When we are injured and have low self esteem because we were shamed, we fall into believing that we have autonomous separate identity.
Although it is counterintuitive to think of low self esteem as gaiva, it falls into the category of living in a belief that we have separate identity and it therefore is gaiva. Proper understanding of ourselves is that we are made b’tzelem elokim and we are here to pull back the kelipas of taiva and gaiva to reveal Hashem’s characteristics and will in the world. When we place our true identity as our choice to fulfill that process, then we have a proper basis for esteem, for that choice is 100 percent in our control.
Ultimately, the fire, water, wind, earth elements flow through our veins as long as we are alive, for that is the nature of life itself, what it means to be composed of Adom, of the earth. It would not be fair for us to base our esteem on nature itself. We have real free will and a soul that is within us designed to help us take the koach of that nature and build a neuropathway from our mind to our heart that can then flow something refined through to our bodies and become visible in our speech and deeds.
May Hashem give us all breakthroughs on this so that we are able to subdue the subconscious urges that drive us to restore our sense of being good and right based on something trapped in shame for which we have been fighting back against our sense of its injustice for a lifetime. Without realizing it, fulfilling that goal of victory in the world adds only to the darkness. Unless we understand what light is, light being the revelation of Hashem’s glory in this world, attempting to right a wrong built into us when young seems like light! But Torah comes to tell us to watch out for this deception.
We start by understanding that we are here to serve Hashem
and doing so is the greatest pleasure. May
Hashem grant us all that experiential insight, for then we will have experience
that will help us see through the deceptions of fulfilling the radioactive angers,
fears and other negative charges of our subconscious that strengthen autonomous separate existence in an
unrectified egotistical way. May Hashem answer us with YES when we ask Him to utilize the koach of what was trapped in falsehood to build us into a bridge to reveal His Glory when we sanctify His Name.
And may our at least asking Hashem for that experiential insight be enough for Him to see that we yearn for Him and thereby may He forgive us and redeem us b’ahava.
The Olympics will close tonight. People practicing for there entire lives to compete in order to come in first second or third in an event is very exciting to watch, thrilling when they win, heartbreaking when they fail.
Every day each one of us is involved in an endeavor to bring ourselves forward in refining ourselves. Refining ourselves ultimately means, utilizing the gifts that Hashem has given to us to bring into voice and expression the part of us that is made in His Image. Hashem breathed into us a part of Himself, called a tzelem elokim, that embodies the ability to reveal His Lovingkindness as we exert in proper manner kindness, strength, balance, endurance, humility, bonding and ultimately kingship, meaning revealing His Kingship, reflecting the crown of Hashem’s Malchus through our actions in time and space. The battle that we endure in every moment to do so is a war, nuclear war, because it requires us to re-configure the atomic understanding of who we are and for what reason we are given life and power to be in time and space. We have our entire lives to review our patterns and try to see what it is that we are here to correct.
Hashem is very patient with us. He gives us many opportunities to see the futility of our natural reactions. Yet how many of us really get to the point where we see that our natural reactions, despite how good and right we feel about asserting our view, are simply destructive. What boundary do we all need in order to know when we are attempting to assert a view that we feel is good and right but are really causing damage? Perhaps this is the purpose of the system of courts to determine. Yet within our inner lives, we often are called upon to make choices in the moment that are subject only to our free choice because they are not legalistic. Part of taking responsibility for our lives is seeing something through to its completion, to make sure that we fulfill what it is that we can do in hishtadlus when we seek a goal that requires help from above. How do we know when it is Hashem’s will that we put in more effort, and how do we know when it is Hashem’s will that we step back and trust in Hashem?
May no one ever have such an occurrence but what if someone knows that a hit man has been hired to kill him and he knows who hired him. He hires someone back with instruction that if he is killed the person he has paid should now go and kill the person who hired the hit man to kill him. One day, the man sees the hired killer coming to take his life. He knows he will not survive. After he dies, will he be glad or regret that his order to kill the person who had him killed is carried out? On the one hand, while he is alive, he experiences a sense of being right and not wronged even in death. On the other hand, he is deemed a murderer in shemayim and has to deal with the eternal consequences of being responsible for that other person’s death. Who are we if we hire to kill back? Who are we if we do not? Which demonstrates awareness of our true identity, to reveal Hashem in this world? I can imagine there are tremendous arguments on both sides. The point of raising such a question is this. What appeals to the lower part of us and makes sense in terms of time and space may not ultimately be what Hashem requires of us. Hashem may, instead, require of us that we draw into our mind His Character and return it to our heart and bring it into our actions.The point is to show how our emotions and perspectives can cause us tremendous charge and sense of righteousness without clarity regarding what is good and right in Hashem's eyes, that which will make a kiddush Hashem.
That which we do to makes His Name beloved in the world becomes who we are for all eternity. There is nothing in the world but Hashem. When what we are about to do clashes with making His Name beloved in the world, it is time for us to stop, to realize that we are utilizing the strength He gives us in a manner that is creating destruction, albeit we have very good logical human oriented justifiable rationalizations that everyone would understand and agree with.
Making Hashem’s Name known and beloved in this world requires us to recognize our limitations and turn to Hashem for solutions when the only solutions we can logic and rationalize cause us to come face to face with something that is abhorrent to Hashem or that makes His Name covered over. Every person, despite the strength of our reactions when we recognize evil and poor choices in others, must also comprehend the futility of acting upon something we think is good and right that really will cause destruction and harm. We must be honest with ourselves that what we are doing is causing pain, even if we rationalize that it is good and necessary, as if we are like a doctor who does surgery on a patient.
We are a very diverse people. Our differences appear to be bringing us farther away from each other. Nevertheless, we are but one soul, Nishmas Am Yisrael. It is necessary for this reason for each part of Nishmas Am Yisrael to comprehend that even if I don’t understand how something that another person believes could be true, I believe that there is Hashem and He knows if it is true or not and I do not have to “correct” or “fix” it if doing so inflicts damage or causes me to violate something that Hashem has commanded.
All of this to say that despite all the difficulties facing our people, Torah tells us the laws of ahavas yisrael, that we are all connected and responsible for one another, that we are to respect your fellow Jew and speak well of him and look out for his needs and provide for him. Whatever we are asserting, if our conviction is bringing us to take an action that violates these laws, we are responsible for our choice and for the destruction we cause. Our soul could, instead, have added love and awe of Hashem to the strength of our conviction and returned to our heart a bridge that would have brought into the matter Hashem’s glory. We want in final analysis to have provided the means by which Hashem can be once again seen in this world of time and space. That is our primary role as Nishmas Am Yisrael, as the bride of Hashem, who said we will do and then understand. May we all consider deeply our feelings and pass them through our mind, add love and awe to them and return them to our hearts with uplifted devotion to serve Hashem and may we soon see the redemption.